


young and so hip and so beautiful

by verity



Category: Clueless (1995), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Family, Friendship, M/M, Step-siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 18:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles composts.</p><p>He fundraises for Pismo Beach Disaster Relief.</p><p>He even tries to watch the news once. It's terrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	young and so hip and so beautiful

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whiskey_in_tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskey_in_tea/gifts), [blue_rocket_frost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_rocket_frost/gifts).



> **A LOT OF THIS DIALOGUE - LIKE A LOT OF IT - IS DIRECTLY LIFTED FROM CLUELESS, WRITTEN BY AMY HECKERLING. IT IS NOT MINE.**
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> Scout [asked for a Clueless AU on tumblr](http://scoutsxhonor.tumblr.com/post/50322087514/dont-worry-clueless-is-on-nick-nite-rite-now), and then when I suggested a slightly different take, told me I HAD to write it. And then she and Ashe cheered me on in group chat and fact-checked and were the wind beneath my wings until they went to bed. THIS IS ALL THEIR FAULT, TAKE IT TO THEM.

"You divorce wives, you don't divorce children." Dad uses the stapler to punctuate his sentence. "You're going to be polite to Derek or you're going to go to your room, that's not how we treat people in this house."

"Yeah," Derek says from out in the hall.

"Same to you, son," Dad says, raising his voice. "Now, you boys leave me alone. I have to finish up this deposition by tomorrow morning because our asses are all on the line."

Stiles hoists his backpack up a little further on his shoulder. "Fine," he grumbles. "Fine."

—

"Ugh, what are you _wearing_ ," Lydia says when she climbs into his Jeep. "Take that nightmare off or I can't be seen with you, I mean it."

Stiles tugs at his fedora. "What? It's a classic. Vintage."

"It smells like mothballs and misogyny," Lydia says. She wrinkles her nose.

The fedora goes.

—

Stiles and Lydia are friends largely because they both know what it's like to have people to be jealous of them. They're both named after musical modes and engaged in a mutual conspiracy to keep anyone else from finding out that they're at the top of their class.

Except for gym.

Stiles is failing gym.

"I have a note," Lydia says, leaning against Stiles instead of the fence because God help any of them if she gets her tennis set dirty. "My tennis instructor doesn't want me training with anyone else, she's concerned it'll throw off my performance."

"I have a note," Jackson says, slouching next to Lydia. "My nose—"

"STILINSKI," Finstock shouts, "Up next!"

" _He's always copying me_ ," Lydia hisses into Stiles's ear.

Stiles sighs and goes to face his doom. "Coach," he says, lifting his racket. "This machine is a lawsuit waiting to happen."

—

Then there's the thing with the anonymous notes, and helping Finstock and that grumpy asshole Harris find love. A little time, a little effort: Coach gets the guy, Stiles gets the grades, everyone's happy. It fills Stiles with a warm, fuzzy feeling, and the urge to do more good deeds.

"You have watched _Amelie_ one too many times." Lydia slams the door to her locker.

Stiles shrugs. "How many times have you made Boyd watch _The Notebook_?"

"Don't even start," Lydia says.

—

The new girl at school is really cute. Her name's Allison and she's all leggy elegance under the million unnecessarily floaty layers she's paired with rust-colored corduroy shorts. "I think we should adopt her," Stiles says to Lydia after class. "Isn't she cute?"

"She's nice," Lydia says grimly.

Allison used to be a stoner and she has a crush on _Scott McCall_ of all people, but Stiles can work with that.

—

They give her a makeover at Lydia's house after school. Stiles's bisexuality didn't come with a side of Clinton Kelly, but he's perfectly capable of helping Allison dye her hair and tweezing her brows like a pro. By the time he and Lydia are done with Allison, she looks like she could be the star of some trendy MTV show.

"We're going to set her up with Matt," Stiles tells Derek later that night, standing at the kitchen island while he eats chips out of the bag; Derek is trying to read some serious-looking article in the New York Times because he's boring. "It's an act of charity."

"Yeah, that's totally a dick attitude to have, way to go," Derek says. He lifts the newspaper up like a shield.

—

Stiles is sulky the next morning; he fails to compliment Lydia on her new manicure and almost misses a stop sign on the way to school. Almost. That was a rolling stop.

All through AP US History, Lydia frowns at him, and she follows him to his locker after class. "What's wrong?" she says. "Is Derek giving you shit because he's going through his post-adolescent idealistic phase?

"Derek's being Derek." Stiles pulls his math textbook and notebook out of his locker, shoves their history counterparts and the stack of practice DBQs in. "I don't know. He's weird."

Lydia just rolls her eyes.

—

Then there's the party out in the Valley, where Allison gets hit in the head with a shoe by Scott and Stiles gets escorted home by Matt. Who turns out to be a total creepster and ditches Stiles in the Valley, where he gets _robbed_ and the guy makes him kneel on the _ground_ in his new rag  & bone jeans, and _then_ he has to call Derek. Because Stiles only knows two phone numbers by heart, and the other one is Dad's.

"Man, you owe me," is all Derek says. He spends the whole drive back to Beverly Hills talking to his girlfriend Kali about postmodernism and Hamlet, and Stiles can't even play Fruit Ninja on his phone.

"It's just like Hamlet said, 'To thine own self be true,'" Kali says as they pull up to the Stilinski house.

"Uh, nope." Stiles stops tapping his fingers against his knee to the beat of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song. "Hamlet didn't say that."

Kali shakes her head. "Oh, I think I remember Hamlet accurately."

"Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that," Stiles says. "That Polonius guy did."

Derek glances back at him after he puts the car into park, gives Stiles a long, considering look.

—

Erica Reyes spends half the year in Chicago with her mom, and when she rolls into Los Angeles to spend the spring semester with her dad, well, Stiles can't help take notice. She's really cute and sassy, and she totally kicks his ass at Call of Duty that time he invites her over and puts cookie dough in the oven and almost burns the house down.

That would have been bad, because of Derek. Also, the house. Stiles likes his house.

The night they go to Erica's friends' gig, there are about fifteen terrible minutes where Stiles is filled with awful, roiling envy while he watches Derek and Erica dance together. He doesn't even know who's envious _of_ , and that's… very confusing.

But the next time they hang out, they watch _The L Word_ and Erica explains that she's saving herself for Katherine Moennig. Having seen every single movie that Johnny Depp has ever made, Stiles can respect that.

—

Coach Finstock and Mr. Harris are happy together, Lydia and Boyd are happy together, and Dad is drinking his orange juice and mourning Stiles's mom instead of marrying and divorcing supermodels like Derek's, so all's right with the world, and Stiles can even take credit for some of it.

Even though, unlike Amanda Palmer, he thinks he'd be okay on the other side of an ampersand.

Correction: all's right with the world until Allison comes over to eat consolation cheesecake after Stiles fails his driver's test and confesses, "Stiles? I think I'm in love with Derek."

"Um," Stiles says. He is not prepared for this. "Are you sure? Because you guys—I don't, I, uh—you guys don't—it wouldn't work."

"What's the problem?" Allison says. "I really like him, okay. He's so nice, and he's the first guy I've liked since Matt."

"No," Stiles says. "I, uh—you're not really his type."

Allison frowns at him. "Are you trying to say Derek is too good for me? Is that what this is?"

Stiles shakes his head. "I just—you don't seem like you'd—mesh. That's all."

"Why am I taking advice from you anyway?" Allison crosses her arms. "You're a virgin who can't drive."

"Way harsh, Allison," Stiles says, and storms out of the house.

—

Beverly Hills is less fun without a car.

Allison can't be in love with Derek. She just _can't_. It would never work. Why does she even like Derek? He's weird, way older than them, he likes McSweeney's and WWOOFing and REM, he's a terrible dancer, his pants are always way too tight…. he's just kind of a slug who hangs around Stiles's giant, not-destroyed-by-fire house and eats Stiles's Pop Tarts. He's kind of a hottie, it's true, but—it's DEREK. And how would Allison make him happy? It's not like she's ever read Hamlet, or—composted. Not that Stiles composts, but he could. Derek needs someone who—

Behind Stiles, someone's sprinkler turns on: abruptly, he and his snakeskin boots are drenched.

Also, yeah, he's majorly, totally, _butt-crazy in love_ with Derek. How did he miss that?

—

Stiles composts.

He fundraises for Pismo Beach Disaster Relief.

He even tries to watch the news once. It's terrible.

—

Lydia comes out of the dressing room in some drapey knit thing, does a little twirl. "What do you think of this one?"

"Is the cotton fair trade?" Stiles says, and wants to punch himself in the face.

—

He's just getting into the spirit of pining for Derek, jerking off and being unable to meet Derek's eyes at dinner and daydreaming about getting Derek out of his henleys into something tailored and maybe also Stiles's fedora, when Dad ropes both of them into helping with a case.

"None of the records have been digitized, and it's going to take us hours and _hours_ , Christ." Dad runs his hand over his face. "You don't have to, but—"

"Yeah, I can help, Dad," Stiles says. "With Derek. Totally. I can do that."

Which is all fine until Stiles fucks something up while he's joking around with Derek—okay, one of his dad's guys fucks it up, but Stiles still feels pretty bad—and the guy yells at Derek for playing footsy with Stiles.

As if. In Stiles's _dreams_ , okay.

"Did I really ruin Dad's law suit?" he says, sitting down on the landing of the staircase. "I mean—it's a big deal, and you've been working really hard—"

"No, I'll take care of it, your dad will be fine." Derek plunks next to him. His face is doing that thing, where his eyes are so wide and his mouth is so downturny and Stiles wants to kiss him a lot, on the mouth, all over, everywhere. "The nerve of that guy. He's such an asshole. I don't understand why he'd say we…"

Stiles tries to stop looking at Derek's mouth. "Yeah, I mean, you've been very dedicated to this case."

Derek shrugs. "It's a good learning experience, at least for me, I want to be a lawyer. But you—you don't, you didn't have to do this. Go have fun. Go shopping with Lydia or something."

Of course, Stiles knows what Derek thinks of him. It still hurts, feels like an anvil sinking into the bottom of his stomach. "You think that's all I do, I'm just a ditz with a credit card?"

"No," Derek says. "No, that's not what I meant. You're young… you're smart… you're gorgeous—"

"You think I'm _gorgeous_?" Stiles knows what he looks like in a pair of designer jeans, but _gorgeous_ is not the word he would have used.

"You know how you look, all right?" Derek looks down at his hands. "You're cute, and popular, and, um, and... but this is not why I, you know, I come here. This is a good learning experience for me."

"You said that," Stiles says.

"I want to help out your dad," Derek says. "He's the only one who cares about me."

Stiles tries to stop looking at Derek's mouth again. It's weird, especially right now when they're talking about his Dad. "That's not true."

Derek slowly lifts his head. "Are you saying that you… you care about me?"

" _Derek_ ," Stiles says, and he goes in to smack Derek's shoulder, but Derek kisses him instead.

Which is awesome.

So they do it again.

—

And you can guess what happens next.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [ladyofthelog](http://ladyofthelog.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] young and so hip and so beautiful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908133) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater)




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